


It's just fun

by cigarettesandalcohol



Category: Last Shadow Puppets, Milex - Fandom
Genre: Cocaine, Coke, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Experimentation, Drug Use, Drugs, Ecstasy - Freeform, LSD, Lots of Drugs, M/M, Marijuana, Nutmeg, Pills, Stopex, Valium, medicamets, slight drug overdose
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-14 08:08:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4557087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cigarettesandalcohol/pseuds/cigarettesandalcohol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miles is the one who says "It's just fun".<br/>Alex is the one who sees it's not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Weed

**Author's Note:**

> I can't write a single story without hurting at least one of them, sorry.  
> There are going to be many drugs in this story, sorry for this one as well.  
> There aren't going to be any mentions of Arctic Monkeys, lets pretend they never existed - there are only Last Shadow Puppets and mentions of Miles' solo career.  
> Ah - and I'm sorry for mistakes in my English, I hope they don't make it too difficult to understand what I mean. 
> 
> If anyone's interested: I have already five chapters of this story written, there should be seven of them (I guess?) and I'm still working on the next chapter of "Silent freeway".  
> Enjoy!

_It’s just like cigarettes but a bit stronger and better in fact. It has something more powerful, enchanting and thrilling which made the whole cult of smoking weed so inspirational and interesting_.

Miles knows it all and he giggles when his fingers fold the paper and settle the mix of dried green and brown leaves into a line so he can roll the paper and complete this careful work. The end result is a nice long and thick joint with slightly wider end part. They’ve done it many times before. It’s safe, it’s quick, it’s quite cheap and no way dangerous. It’s just fun.

Miles has a lot of practice, the joint was made without hesitation, Alex couldn’t really believe it how quickly a small piece of paper and a pile of weed were transformed into a perfectly shaped joint with a shred of a card stock instead of a filter. Miles was given a very skillful fingers indeed, perfect for playing guitar and rolling joints and other things – Alex’s smile widened at that thought.

While Miles’ lips are too busy holding the narrow end, his eyes are still smiling at Alex and then he lights the pot and inhales deeply, filling his mouth with so much smoke it itches a little, and hands the joint to Alex who is sitting across from him cross-legged.

Alex takes a hit but his eyes are locked with Miles, it must have been twenty seconds already and he’s still holding his breath -  then Miles finally releases all of it in one long exhale. He takes the pot from Alex again and does the same as before. All Alex can think of is how sexy he looks with that smoke coming from his lips and with the burning joint between his fingers.

“You make takin’ drugs look so sexy,” he breathes out with some of the smoke. It’s burning against the walls of his throat and tongue but he managed not to cough.

Miles passed him the pot. “ ‘s not takin’ drugs. It’s just for fun.”

Giving Alex an ensuring wink he got up to play some music. The first tones of _I want to hold your hand_ were so obviously predictable that Alex burst out in laugh.  “You don’t ever listen to anything else, do you?”

“You know  that Dylan was the one who taught them to smoke weed?” He set the volume and went back to Alex. “He thought they’ve done it before ‘cause he heard _I get high_ instead of _I can’t hide_ in this song.”

“Yeah, think I’ve read it somewhere...”

Miles crossed his legs the same way Alex did and now they were sitting on the floor face-to-face, with similar clothing and matching haircuts.

“ _You’re stunning,_ Mi.”

“ _You’re the same_ , babe.”

It’s just fun.


	2. Nutmeg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nutmeg. It's not a drug, it's a spice BUT it can be used as a drug. Did you know that? Well, now you do.  
> I'll be honest - I have personal experience with nutmeg. (to be really honest, I have more experiences that affects this story, but nutmeg is probably the strangest one). I tried it twice. It's not good. It will make you feel sick. It's not worth it. It tastes terrible and the only thing you'll get is a headache, maybe you'll have strange dreams and visions, but it's absolutely not worth it. Plus it's easy to "overdose" with it. My sister tried it once, she's kinda sensitive and she became very paranoid and thought that she was dying.  
> Don't do nutmeg. That's all I wanted to say.
> 
> Thanks everyone for reading and feedback, I love you! <3  
> As always: I'm sorry for mistakes, feedback is appreciated. Enjoy!

“ _Nutmeg_? You mean that spice which my mum used to put in a sauce?”

“Trust me, okay? I’ve read it can cause some kind of a distorted perception and even hallucinations.”

“Bullshit! ‘s just an herb, come on, you shouldn’t believe every stupid...”

“We can try it ourselves, dontcha think? To see if it _really is_ a bullshit.”

Alex raised his hands in surrender. “If you wanna get high on a fucking kitchen spice, go for it.”

They’re standing in front of a local shop in a freezing cold and with their woolen hats and scarfs wrapped around necks they look like brothers sent to the store by their mum.

“And if I buy it, will you try it with me?”

Alex sighs. “You know what is a nutmeg used for? It’s like if you were tryin’ to get high on basil or --- I can’t think of any herb now – oregano...or dill...”

“See, it’s not even drug! I’d understand you if it was crack or heroin but as you said – it’s an herb – “

“ – and it’s just fun, right?” Alex finishes. He know Miles well enough to be sure what he’s about to say.

“Exactly.”

The other thing Alex is sure about is that Miles’ enthusiasm and hunger for new discoveries are infectious and he can barely resist it. _Getting_ _high on a spice that everyone uses in a kitchen_? _A spice that anyone can buy in any shop? A spice that you can have tons of and still there’s no danger of getting arrested for drug possession?_  “Fuck, Miles, go and buy it then.”

“Can I take it as _yes_?”

“You bet!”

 

 

They’re lying on a couch which is way too small for both of them, Alex’s head resting on Miles’ shoulder and the peaceful atmosphere of this romantic moment is destroyed only by Alex’s fear of falling off the couch. When he tries to prevent it, he presses himself closer to Miles who welcomes this movement with an approving grunt. 

“How d’ya feel, babe,”  Miles whispers softly in Alex’s hair.

It’s been already twenty minutes since they drank their carefully prepared tea from a nutmeg decoction. And there's no noticable effect.

“Still the same. Told you it won’t work.”

“It has to work!” Miles was becoming slightly frustrated by both uneffective drug and Alex’s resignation. “It was prolly not enough – get up, Alex – I’ll take some more.”

Alex sat up and moved to the side to let Miles stand up from the couch. “You gonna make another _tea_?”

“No, no fuckin’ tea now – maybe we shouldn’t have done the tea – that’s why it didn’t work.”

Alex shrugged.

“I’ll eat it.”

“Ew, that’s gross – ‘ave you seen what it’s like? You’ll be sick if you eat that shit.”

“I just wanna see what’s the best thing a nutmeg can do to me.”

He ate three teaspoons, spat half of it into the kitchen sink and tried to swallow but the dry powder wouldn’t go down his throat and he started to gag so hard that Alex jumped off the couch and ran to help him. Miles stopped him with raised hand, filled a glass with water and drank.

“Fuckin’ spice,” he breathed out when he swallowed it. “Just like cinamon but bitter.”

They spent two hours staring at each other, Alex couldn’t feel his legs and Miles had a numb look on his unnaturally stiff face.

Both of them woke up with a hangover and dull pain in head.

“I’m not doin’ anythin’ like this again,” Alex declared with head in his hands. And then he added jokingly: “A-class drugs or no drugs at all.”

Miles remembered these words well.


	3. LSD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My summer job started and I'm not very happy about it. At least I have drugs and Milex. Milex with drugs. (Milex is my drug).  
> It's getting serious. (slowly).  
> I swear I've got the next chapter of "Silent Freeway" and all I need to do is to edit it. (That's the saddest part because during editing I realise how much more I'd love to write but I just can't express it in English).  
> Sorry for mistakes & feedback is welcome!

“ _What_?!” Alex’s eyes widened in surprise and the look they gave Miles was a mixture of disbelief and fear and shock. “And you ‘ave it here?”

“Don’t look so frightened, ‘s just a piece of a paper with some acid in it, that’s all.”

“Ssh, for fuck’s sake! Not everybody in the studio needs to hear this!”

Miles lowered his voice to soft whispering. Now Alex was really the only one who could hear him. “I got it from a friend – and I thought today would be the best day to give it a try.”

“Why?”

Miles rolled his eyes. “Don’t know, ‘t was just an idea. God, Alex, this is our first album, our dreams are comin’ true, we should celebrate, be high as a kite all the time, we should try everything before it’s too late – we should find new inspiration – imagine that! Just like Lennon and McCartney!” There was that dangerously seductive spark in Miles’ eyes again.

_Weed was fun for kids who are trying to be cool and rebellious._

_Nutmeg was not drug at all, just a stupid herb whose only effect was tiredness and a terrible hangover the next day._

_LSD is for artists, for people with visions, people with ideals and thirst for knowledge and finding answers to everlasting questions; people who are looking for something more – for higher truth and for things from the other side – people who see what no one else does; people who would let the door between their reality and imagination swing open._

_We are the right people._

That’s how he explained it to Alex and it sounded too good to be truth.

“You really wanna do this?” Alex asked him worriedly although he knew the answer even before he finished the question.

“Why not?” Miles shrugged. “Trust me once again – I know that bloody nutmeg was a mistake – this one’s gonna be much better.”

“I-I don’t know – ‘m not ready for this, I don’t feel like gettin’ high now – there’s still so much work to do, we haven’t finished any song yet and I’m not really in mood...”

“We can finish it all after this! What happened to your curiosity? Aren’t you interested in what’s gonna happen when you eat it? Don’t you want to discover all the states of mind?”

“ 'course I want! Not today though,” he added quickly.

“When did you turn into this busy'n'boring Mr. Responsible?”

Alex glanced to the windows leading to the other room where the string musicians were sitting. That string section of _The age of the understatement_ should have been finished today and it’s still not done, all the musicians are tired, all the technicians are tired, they all need some rest.

“We should let them go. It’s been exhausting day and we can’t record anything good when they’re all tired like this.”

Miles nodded his head. He was waiting for something more though.

“ _What’s the answer then_?” His whisper echoed seductively in Alex’s head.

After all – _it’s only LSD_.

It’s not fun for kids anymore but it’s not a hard drug.

 _It’s not addictive_.

It’s not life-threatening.

 _You can’t overdose with LSD_.

It’s safe. _Relatively safe_.

Miles is sure about it and Miles knows what’s he doing.

It can’t hurt him.

One piece of paper with acid.

 _It’s okay as long as needles are not involved_.

 

The living room was changing in front of Alex’s staring eyes with every second. Colour was running down the walls, soaking the red carpet, making it all squishy and wet and Alex’s body felt like floating on a river, the carpet was moving from side to side and the more colour came down the walls the more was the movement becoming unpleasant.

It made Alex’s insides jump and the idea of his viscera bouncing crazily inside his body made him laugh,he could see it clearly, his body as an outer package and his lungs and stomach dancing inside, he wanted to touch his chest to feel if it’s not ripped open as his lungs were trying to get out but he couldn’t force himself to raise his hand. That small piece of paper which looked like a post stamp made him lay down on the carpet and now he couldn’t remember how to make his own body stand up. Miles could help him – where is he?

He opened his mouth to call out Miles’ name but it came out as a groan _. Miles, Miles, where are you?_

Movements of his insides became unbearable and it made him dizzy, waves of nausea were rolling over him, taking away his heartbeats and breath and he couldn’t get up and run away, he was just rolling onto his side and back and then he cried in pain as he felt the invisible monster tearing his chest apart to steal his heart – he got to all fours, sweating and gasping for air – he could feel that hole in his chest and tears of pain were blinding him – he reached the couch and grabbed Miles’ loose arm.

“Miles, please, make it stop, Miles, make it stop! He’s gonna kill me – he stole my heart – Miles, I’m dying, call the ambulance – ‘m dying! Fuck, Miles, I’M GONNA DIE!”

Miles’ blank expression and slow breathing and wide staring eyes that forgot to blink were terrifying, so terrifying that Alex screamed and fell on the floor again and the colour from the walls have all ran down and the carpet was full of it and Alex was trapped on a small piece of wood on a blood red water area, he felt that wooden board slip away and the water surrounded him, filling his lungs and making him drown and then there were some people pulling him out and his vison got too blurry to remember anything else.

 

He woke up on the bottom of the bath and couldn’t remember how did he get there.

Miles was in the kitchen, all smiley and energic, dancing around the stove.  

“ ‘ morning, love. How was your sleep in the bath? You got that Beatles’ vibe right, you know, it was just like in _Norwegian Wood_ – _I told her I didn’t and crawled off to sleep_...”

Alex cut him off. “How did I get there?”

“You don’t remember that? You were freakin’ out like a madman – screamin’ that you won’t sleep in the bed because it could drown or somethin’ like that – you were completely out of your mind, babe. ‘t was kinda fun to watch you, y’know?”

“Fun?” Alex shook his head furiously. “Fuck, Miles, it was not fun at all! I thought I’m gonna die – does it seem funny to you?”

“Come on, don’t be so touchy, babe.” He pulled Alex closer. “I’m glad we went through that together.”

Alex smiled skeptically. “I was dyin’ and you were lyin’ on the couch motionless. What’s so great about that?”

“What are you talkin’ about? I was ‘aving a ball! I think I’ve seen everything - I felt the universe expanding in my head – I understood everything – and then it all got washed away and I felt so crystally clean, it was like being born again – “

“Did you really enjoy it?”

“It was brilliant! I wouldn’t mind takin’ another bit.”

Alex pulled away a bit. Miles’ eyes were filled with so much thrill his pupils seemed to be the same size as during yesterday’s night. “I’m not gonna do it again. Ever,” he stated.

Miles pressed his lips gently agains Alex’s. And again. Again. None of this kisses lasted for more than one second but it left Alex’s face lightened up.

 _This is a cure for everything_.

“And what if,” Miles laughs in between kisses, “what if I make you change your mind?”


	4. Ecstasy I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for mistakes. It's not really pure ecstasy, it's more like a mixture of many drugs and pills and who-knows-whats.

He struggled to get to the bar and right there, in the middle of the throng, where bodies were pressed close together and people were holding their newly bought drinks close to prevent the danger of bumping into someone and soiling them, he felt like an ordinary twenty-two who went out on the Saturday night.

It didn't matter what was the ranking of the album and he didn't give a fuck about the number of sold copies - the only important thing that mattered now was the bar counter, illuminated from the inside with green light, and the price of margarita and rum with coca-cola. It felt so natural to pay the price, grab both drinks and leave the counter, to struggle his way through the mass of people with one glass in each hand in constant fear of bumping into someone and ending up with drinks poured over him. He managed to get out of the biggest crowd and headed to the place where he left Miles, still focusing on the unsettled liquid in glass. Then he stopped - just to make sure he's not going to spill either of drinks - and looked around in expectation of seeing his beautiful lover with extremely tight trousers and funny glittery shoes but most importantly with the prettiest face and the most beautiful smile.

But Miles was gone.

Alex's shoulders dropped in disappointment and his smile, which he was ready to give to Miles along with his drink, fade away.  _Where is he_? He sighed and looked around again. Couldn't he just stay here and wait? Why can't he do what Alex wants him to -  _just for once_? Well, there are not many places to go - and when Miles is not on the dancefloor, there are only two possibilities. The restroom or the bar. Maybe they simply missed each other.

That's it.

Miles didn't know I was getting us drinks anyway. He could have had the same idea.

He decided to wait. It's not polite to drink alone when you have drinks for others.

 

 ***

 

The music sound like if it was coming from a long, iron tunnel. Faces of bystanders are elongating, flowing down and after few seconds there's nothing on their necks but a whitish smudge. When Miles blinks, it's suddenly all away, but it soon starts anew. Everything seems to be changing its shape into something longer and thinner and vertical. Everybody's taller and the ceiling is too high, like roof in a church. It's still moving up, Miles can't help but stares at it with his head tilted back. It makes him feel sick. The distorted music, people with blurry faces, the rising ceiling, everything around.

_Is this supposed to happen?_

Maybe it's just a beginners moment of weakness.

His eyes are watering. He lowers his head back. It stings. It's not water, he's not crying. It's sweat. God, is he sweating from his eyeballs? He hears his own teeth cringle. It's not that cold in here, why is it happening? He can't stop it, no matter how he tries. Holding of his lower jaw is not helping, his teeth are still chattering, and his jaw is slippery with sweat. It's not only his jaw - also his palm feels funny warm and wet and his palm lines are full of sweat.

It doesn't make any sense, cringling his teeth yet sweating so much.

It's just the stale air in here. His body is confused. He should have taken it outside.

His head hurts. And his brain is itchy, it's weird but he somehow knows that it's his brain itching and it's pressing against his skull. He scratches his head. It doesn't help. He scratches it again, this time more angrily. No use. It's like having head lice – but on the inside. And he can’t rid of them.

His nails are digging into his scalp. Should this really happen?

Maybe if he went outside...

He tries to breathe and as the fresh air is filling his lungs, he’s all of sudden aware of his pounding heart. It echoes inside his head and makes him feel sick. It’s not okay, it’s not good, no, it’s mental, weird and, oh God, he can feel every contraction of his heart.

It’s not pleasant at all.

The sweat covering his body was cold on his overheated skin and it made him feel feverish. For a couple of seconds he can hear his heartbeat in slow motion and the image in front of his eyes is falling apart.

There’s a dull pain in his arm and the feel of cold tiles against his skin. His eyes are closed and he realizes it right in the moment when he opens them. He sees the faces of people around him. What the fuck? His body is in vertical position.

“Are you okay?” somebody asks him. The voice is strangely deformed, it scares him.

“ ‘m..yeah, I’m...”

He’s on his feets again and all the worried voices offering him helping hand or something to drink are left behind. The floor keeps on slipping away underneath his feets and he can’t seem to control his own moves. He’s just tottering towards the entrace which seems to be more and more distant with every step he takes. Finally he’s there, holding onto the handle of the doors and standing there, swaying. He hears a mixture of confused statements, lots of “He’s drunk”s and “I hope he’ll be alright”s.

 _He also hopes it’ll be alright_.

The chilling winter is not enough to snap him out of this state of mind, everything’s blurry and and in slow motion, all his moves and all the words floating in the air around, all the people and their funny faces and jittery expressions and their worried looks that follow him as he makes another step into the night. Even this small step takes more time than it should have; it’s like walking in a snowdrift of pudding instead of snow...having jelly legs while standing in a sea where the waves are rolling on...

His brain is still working, he knows exactly what’s going on but he can’t change it and it makes him both angry and anxious. His heartbeat surely hasn’t been as strong before, and he didn’t have so much sweat on his forehead but there’s nothing he could do about it. Fresh night air will make him feel better. Much better. That’s all he needs. Fresh air and some time alone and it’ll be alright.

Somewhere deep in his mind he knows that Alex is waiting for him inside, probably standing somewhere next to one of those purple painted walls with that clueless look on his face which always makes him look like a puppy in front of closed doors. But it’ll be okay. Alex will wait for him. It’ll take only a few moments, maybe five minutes... Alex can wait.

 _He’s okay_.

 _Everything’s okay_.

He’s just tired. More like exhausted. And breathing is a bit difficult. His hands are cold but still sweaty.

 _He’s alright_. _This happens_.

And a bench on the other side of the road seems like a nice place to lie down.

It’ll be better. Soon. Just...breathe in, breathe out... It’s so cold, so fucking cold. And it seems like this freezing cold kills the last bits of energy in his body.

Isn’t Alex coming for him? Where is he anyway?

A quiet sob escaped his lips. Alex mustn’t know...he’d be angry and disappointed and seeing Alex disappointed was the last thing he would ever want.

He’ll go back and find Alex. Now. As soon as he’ll get up.

It’s strange to feel how his thoughts are slowing down until they’re not moving anymore. Words that were forming into sentences in his mind are suddenly falling apart and all that remains are just senseless groupings of letters. No, no, he was okay, he lies to himself, he’s been okay until now...

It feels like being slowly gassed and forced to lose conciousness – not all of sudden but terrifyingly slowly. He can’t think of anything. No images, no words are coming to his mind. Only separate lettres. He lost the ability to think at all.

A.L.E.X.H.E.S.H.O.U.L.D.K.N.O.W.I.S.H.O.U.L.D.H.A.V.E.T.O.L.D.H.I.M. A....L.....E......X.

He’s crying. Numb with cold and with body covered in sweat.

A..L...E......X.

Lights of cars that are passing by are enlightening his face and he can’t even think of blinking.

He can’t think of anything. He remembers nothing.

Everyhing is just fucked up. He can’t move. His body doesn’t work. He’s broken. Like and old useless machine.

Broken. Sweating. Shaking. Fucked up in head.

Secretely wishing he was anywhere else.

Secretely wishing he was dead.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, kudos and comments are welcome! ;)


End file.
